Tina Trembles to Talk
by moonswirl
Summary: Gleekathon, day four hundred and ninety-four:  abc 20 of 26  Faced with the Missouri compromise, Tina needs an out...


_Started my daily ficlets to make the hiatus pass, then decided to keep going with a 2nd cycle, and then a 3rd, 4th, etc through 23rd cycle. Now cycle 24!_

_**ALPHABET 2.0** - So nearly a year ago (HA!) I had done a set of stories taking inspiration by words, three for each letter of the alphabet (started with Acapella, Audition Arts in mid-February and every other day to April). Well now I wanted to do something like that, but using the alphabet another way. Instead of random words, I made sentences, all with those same letters (you'll see). The first half was in cycle 22, now here's the second half in cycle 24!  
**TODAY:** (20 of 26) T is for..._

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**"Tina Trembles to Talk"  
6th-grade Tina **

People didn't see her, and she was okay with it. She was eleven, and short, her hair fell straight down her back, like cascading jet… and anytime someone looked at her expecting a reply, she felt like she was dying from the inside out. She was just about certain there were people out there in school and right in her class, who didn't even know her name... and she was actually okay with it. She was shy, sure, but she was okay with who she was… for the most part. And then there was… the worse…

Those speeches, presentations… standing there with all eyes on her… it was the worst. Even in days leading to those days, just thinking about what she'd have to do would make panic grab her. Her parents always told her everything would be fine, that she was so smart, but it had nothing to do with that. No amount of brains could calm her, it was still in there. And then the day would come, and she'd have a scratchy throat… or a fever… or a stomach ache… something, anything, to keep her from having to go. When she'd show up, her arms would cross on her desk and receive her head, last shelter for her weariness. And then her name would be called…

She felt chilled, dry throat, trembling voice… trembling everything. It might have been a sort of out-of-body experience if she wasn't so very much trapped in there. It wasn't preparation… she had done all the work that was required of her and then some, but still there she was… Everyone would sit quietly staring at her, and the silence would go on and on; she had to be the one to break it, which was asking so much of her. Sometimes it'd go on for a good five minutes before the teacher gave her a look and she started barrelling down, sometimes incoherently… She'd had some bad ones, but the last was the worst.

She had loved her topic, really loved it, and she was ready for it… this was going to be her moment; she was finally going to beat it, this fear, or at least she hoped to. Her same old fears would grasp her, but she tried to tell herself that it would be okay, because she was ready… then she went up to the front of the class. No one could see it but her; they were in the back row… boys... she wouldn't remember what they were doing, but 'gross' would be her one memory of it. No, not quite; there was another memory. This was the day nausea was added to her list of public speaking symptoms…

So there came the next one: a speech, on the Missouri compromise. All she could remember was the last time, and the looks the janitor still gave her… Even preparing for the thing, doing research, writing… it took everything she had. At some point she'd just given up for a moment, leaving her desk to go sit on her bed for a moment. Her dog, Rocky, came hopping on the bed and rested her head in her lap. Tina scratched at her ears, smiling despite herself.

She didn't want to go through this again. But of course they would make her. It was part of being a student, they'd say… They really needed to review their teaching methods, if they asked her. But as for her, she had to think of something… Maybe if she couldn't talk… more than just her voice refusing to come out because she was scared, just… gone… But no, it wouldn't last. It would either have to come back, or she'd be condemning herself to eternal silence. So she thought some more, of herself standing up there, trying not to lose it while talking about the Missouri compromise…

Compromise… yes… A compromise between talking and not talking, but what was it? She sat there for a while, thinking… She took Rocky's big dog paws in her hands, 'danced' with her… She wished she could take her with her all the time, everywhere… then nothing could ever be wrong.

It came to her, like a crazy idea only could… out of nowhere. Her compromise… a simple stutter. Why she hadn't thought about it before was beyond her. It could actually work… at this point she had to try.

Looking back, she'd remember feeling oddly empowered by the way people responded to her after that… they left her alone, looked at her like she was weird, and she was okay with it. She was sheltered in this world and so the stutter stayed. Her parents wanted to send her to speech therapists, but she refused. To calm them, she tried to tone it down when she was with them.

At first there was a conscious effort to the use of it, she had to remind herself so she wouldn't forget to keep it up. But eventually it was just… second nature. She didn't have to think about it, didn't have to make herself do anything specific, it just came… She was okay with it; it made her who she was. But then as the years went on, and Glee Club came about, she was becoming someone new all over again. It took what Artie told her, after she told him the truth, for her to realize it was time to change. She was already realizing that she didn't want to push people away anymore, but this gave her the last push she needed.

Maybe no one could see it the way she saw it, but it wasn't about them. Her stutter had protected her when she needed it. It gave her courage where everyone saw fear and uncertainty. But it had served her purpose… Now her strength had taken another shape.

THE END

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**A/N: This is a one-shot ficlet, which means that signing up for story alert will not bring you any alerts.  
****In the event of a sequel, the story will be separate from this one. And as chapter stories go, they are  
****always clearly indicated as such [ex: "Days 204-210" in the summary] Thank you!**


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